Chilli-dog

Alvin: You wrecked it for both of us Olive

Olive: What? What did I do?

Alvin: Why can't you just be more discreet sometimes?

Olive: What?

Alvin: When you chew furniture, don't do it right under people's noses and don't do it so loudly.

Olive: (cocks head)

Alvin: Like me

Olive: Like you? What do you do?

Alvin: Look, I was chewing furniture long before you came along. It's no new trick, you know. It's just that I do it in moderation and behind closed doors

Olive: What does that mean?

Alvin: Well, mummy and daddy don't want you to eat their furniture. When they moved into this new house, they bought that fabulous shelving unit and the delicious oak dining suite. They are such treats. Things to be savoured. And before your ugly mug came along, I used to treat myself to the odd nibble now and then. But you! You just sit there like you're well within your rights, and just help yourself like it's some kind of buffet. You've no style, Olive.

Olive: Well, those days are over. You can have it all to yourself now.

Alvin: Gee thanks

Olive: What?

Alvin: What? I can have it all to myself now that mummy has smeared chilli oil all over the chair legs?

Olive: Chilli oil? Is that what it is? What's that?

Alvin: Well, you know when you licked the coffee table before and then jumped back and plunged our whole head in your water bowl? Well, that's chilli oil!

Olive: Ugh! Chilli oil? That's disgusting! Why would mummy do that? My mouth was on fire! I licked my whole face and it spread all over and when I tried to rub it off with my paws, I smeared it all over my tail and my tummy and my ears and my back and everywhere. Why would she do that?

Alvin: To stop us eating the furniture!

Olive: But that furniture was so good

Alvin: Exactly!